Archive for March, 2011


Polar bear pile-up.

March 29, 2011

Since we’re all starting to feel summery at the moment I thought it would be a good idea to think about Winter, and the cold, lest we get too happy.

Mark, Luke, and John were polar bears, and they liked to run really fast. Rather than race, their favourite thing was to follow each other closely, in formation. They would set up obstacle courses made of snow, and dash through them at breakneck speed (for a polar bear at least, they weren’t Ferraris).

It started out as a bit of fun, but then they saw Britain’s Got Talent and it became serious business. They wanted nothing more than to get on that show and become famous (in their naivety they did not realise that the show was actually a right sack of crap), so they trained hard every day. It was in these intense training sessions that Mark (the leader because he was the oldest and had collected all the Pokemon before anyone else) developed narcolepsy. A terrible affliction that somehow manages to be cute when applied to polar bears.

He kept suddenly falling asleep during the trio’s runs, resulting in a polar bear pile-up.

After a few attempts, Luke and John decided that they couldn’t be arsed to be on rubbish Britain’s Got Talent anyway, and went to sleep as well. Mark didn’t mind, it was more fun in the old days anyway.

Thanks to Tom for the image, not sure where he got it from.


The great email quest.

March 25, 2011

Welcome to Animal on Animal SERIES TWO, £16.99 in store at HMV, but only £9.99 online. WHY?!

Sandy the monkey and Bertolli the warthog were on a mission. They had been sent an email that morning that said if they didn’t tell 100 people that they loved them by midnight, everyone on Earth would explode.

It was too horrible to imagine.

Why the responsibility had fallen to them, they did not know. What they did know, however, was that they didn’t want to sit back and let everyone on Earth explode, especially Auntie Mavis (she was ace).

They cleverly broke out of the zoo by asking if they could go out to the shops for a bit and buy a Snickers each, to which the zoo keeper agreed on the condition that they buy him one.

It was then that they went running through the streets baying like lunatics, screaming desperately at anyone who would listen, telling everyone and everything in earshot how much they loved them.

After about an hour of this they reached their target of a hundred, and saved mankind. Sighing in relief, the pair walked steadily back to the zoo, understandibly pleased with themselves and their heroics.

It was when they were sat back in their cage and the zoo keeper came up to them that they realised they had forgotten to by any Snickers.

‘Oh, bother.’ Bertolli said, glumly.

Sandy and the zoo keeper agreed.

Thanks to Joe for the image.