Archive for September, 2010

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The problem with kittens.

September 21, 2010

Burmese and Python the kittens were always bugging poor old Eric. He could barely get a moments rest. In fact, even if he did manage to catch a wink his merciless tormentors would sit on him and prod him until he woke up.

So one day he thought “Fuck it”, and he ate the little shits.

They never bothered him again.

Thanks to Lindsay, Amy, and Mouse for this.

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The prankster monkey.

September 14, 2010

Lancelot had a talent.

He was really good at sneaking into photos and pulling a ridiculous face and then disappearing before the victim had a chance to give him a slap. He would dash about the wilderness looking for people with cameras so he could jump in and spoil their wholesome photograph with his irritating antics.

Once he did it to Marjorie from down the street.

He was a right dick.

Taken from here by the excellent Dannie, cheers for that.

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Drunken humiliation.

September 7, 2010

Alfie and Bill were really, really drunk.

It was Alfie’s stag do, and he was so drunk that he had forgotten he was getting married. Bill was so drunk that he had forgotten to remind him, he wasn’t even sure how old he was any more, or where he lived, or whether he was born with feet or not.

As the clock struck 3am they found themselves in an argument with a pair of bees. The bees were really hard because they had grown up on ‘the streets’, and were ‘not taking no shit from a couple of poncey dogs.’

They next thing they knew Alfie and Bill were being thrown about outside, and then they were dressed in bee suits, and then a photo of them in bee suits was being posted on Facebook via somebody’s phone.

It was this photo:

It was very embarrassing for them both, but luckily Alfie’s wife never found out, otherwise she would have really taken the piss.

Thanks to Miriam for inadvertently sending me this image, and getting it from here.

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The owl incident.

September 2, 2010

Holy crap. It’s Animal on Animal time again.

Orson used to get really peeved at his wife Beavis because she always stood on his head when he was trying to think about cool stuff.

Sometimes he would be thinking about beer, or about being drunk, or about going to the pub, and she would always stand on his head and distract him. It wasn’t ideal at all.

Then one day his wife was thinking about something and he stood on her head to see how she liked it.

She didn’t like it very much and called the police.

It was in all the papers.

Thanks to Kieren for the image, taken from here.