Archive for November, 2010

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Animal on Animal Special: Film Edition!

November 30, 2010

I was sent this some time ago (or something like it, I lost the mail, sorry, it was basically this image anyway):

Here is the story of Marmaduke (WARNING – likely to not be the story of Marmaduke):

Marmaduke used to be a catwalk model called Trixie. My was she beautiful. She was all over magazines, and everyone loved her. As time went on Trixie’s looks started to fade (along with her popularity), and she began having surgery in attempts to hang on to her glorious past.

The surgeries did not go well. With each new one she began looking more and more like a Great Dane, until eventually she found that she had become a 6 foot dog. She was not best pleased. How would she ever find the man of her dreams now? She decided the best thing to do would be to change her name to Marmaduke and start taking male hormones so she could sound like Owen Wilson and go back in time to warn herself not to get loads of plastic surgery as it would turn her into a dog.

For a thrilling 75 minutes (the first 15 minutes are taken up with the back story just described) we follow Marmaduke/Trixie on a HILARIOUS and MOVING adventure through time as he/she attempts to save herself, from herself.

The moral of the story at the end is that you should not have plastic surgery enough times to make you look like a Great Dane.

CREDITS.

Thank you to The Astonishing Robert for the image, and thank you to the whole Marmaduke team for being so young and attractive.

Stay tuned as there is another excellent post on its way later in the week to try and make up for the missing one last week. Please forgive me.

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The Notorious Raccoon Brothers.

November 19, 2010

The notorious Raccoon Brothers were the most feared brothers that were also raccoons in the world. They were notorious due to their bizarre and twisted globe-spanning crime sprees. Their favourite one was the time that they stole a tin of Heinz Beans and drew a face (complete with moustache) on the side. Their second favourite was the time they drove a nuclear submarine into Wales.

Often they would hide in a tree waiting for someone to come past, when they saw someone they would jump out, steal their ID (be it a passport or drivers license etc.) and run off to their hideout. At their hideout they would draw a moustache on the person’s picture in permanent marker (they had a strange fixation about moustaches) and post it back to the owner. Of course, the Identity Theft Victim would now have a large amount of trouble proving they were themselves unless they had a huge jet black moustache on their face, so it was very annoying, especially for ladies.

After many years, the Raccoon Brothers were caught and sent to The Prison for People that Commit Crimes that don’t Make Any Sense (or TPfPtCCtdMAS for short), where they met Beverly.

Thanks to Mouse for the image.

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Detective Casablanca has a bad day.

November 13, 2010

It had already been a strange day for Detective Casablanca the cat, he had found out his own father was a Russian spy that morning and had to arrest him, and then he had found out that his father was actually his mother (she had been wearing a stick-on moustache all these years as a disguise).

With these revelations weighing on his shoulders he wandered into a supermarket to get some lunch. He bought an unremarkable sandwich, and a Lion Bar for dessert.

The sandwich was fine, but when he opened the Lion Bar he discovered inside the wrapper, instead of a lion bar, was his arch nemesis Senor Toblerone! Senor Toblerone used his devilish agility to leap out of the wrapper and land on Detective Casablanca’s exposed back, at which point he injected a microchip into the fur on the Detective’s neck so he could control him.

Pleased with his success, Senor Toblerone rode Detective Casablanca back to his country mansion to gloat about his achievements to his wife.

Thankfully, Detective Casablanca’s Russian Spy Dad/Mum had managed to escape incarceration came across the horrible scene completely by accident! She punched Senor Toblerone right in the mouth and rescued her son.

Months later, after having the mind-control chip removed, Detective Casablanca and his Dad/Mum decided to move to Moscow and be Russians. As far as anyone knows they are still there today, communisting it up.

Thanks to Amy for the image, who got it from here.

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The Cat who Loved Ice.

November 5, 2010

Hilda was a cat, and the thing that Hilda loved most was ice. She loved the Winter and how everything went cold and how all the people would slip around and fall over. Not only was it hilarious, but she also found it was an opportune time to steal their wallets. Hilda used the stolen money to buy Vanilla Ice CDs and memorabilia. She liked that bit in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 where Vanilla Ice was in it, and she had that on DVD. She liked to put ice in all her drinks, even red wine, she was a bit mental like that.

The short version of the above story is that Hilda liked ice, loads and loads.

Hilda lived with a dog called Alfredo the Third. Alfredo the Third didn’t like anything much, but he did like Hilda, so he just did what she did. They want abseiling once on one of those pretend walls. Alfredo the Third didn’t like it because he was scared of heights, and of being attached to ropes, and of wearing protective helmets.

One time Hilda had a particularly severe craving for ice during the Summer, so she asked Alfredo the Third if she could stand on his back and nick some from the freezer. Of course her long time companion agreed, and below we see them in the act of pilfering the ice:

After Hilda had stolen enough money from helpless people falling over, she booked a flight and she and Alfredo the Third both moved to Iceland and bought Parkas. It was flipping ace for all concerned (except the victims of crime), though Alfredo the Third didn’t enjoy it as much as Hilda because he was just like that.

Thanks to Sawan for the image, no idea where he got it from (let me know if you own it and I’ll link over to you, please don’t shout at me).