Archive for October, 2011

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The Spooky Hen (AoA Halloween Special).

October 31, 2011

To begin, I would like to say this:

Today’s post has an actual picture, scanned in, from real life. From real life. It has been stuck to the wall in Animal on Animal Towers for over a year waiting to be scanned.  It’s even got scratches on it from where people have touched it. Astonishing, in this day and age. I think I need a sit down. And so, here is today’s excellent Animal on Animal HALLOWEEN SPECIAL post!

“Hello.” Whispered Betsy (full name Heavenstobetsy).

Wellington’s ears pricked up as he turned to his brother, George. “Did you just say something?”

George had fallen out with Wellington the previous night over what they should watch on TV. George wanted to watch Hollyoaks as it was just becoming exciting, but Wellington was having none of it and wanted to watch Scooby Doo. After some harsh words George had decided to stop talking to his brother, and so when asked the innocent question above, he turned his back.

“No, you silly sheep person!” Betsy whispered again, closer in Wellington’s ear, “It was me!”

Wellington was unsure if it was anatomically possible for him to turn his head to see whatever it was that was speaking to him, and thought it best not to try lest he strain his sheepy neck. The whispereing, however, had convinced him that a ghost was stood on his back.

“A GHOST!” Wellington screamed, bucking and leaping about like he did that time after a spicy curry, desperately trying to rid himself of his ghostly passenger.

George reluctantly spun around to see what the commotion was about, instantly seeing the truth. Betsy was a hen, not ghost. Unless she was a ghost hen, but the likelihood was that she was not a ghost hen as they had become extinct by the 1950s.

George relayed the information to Wellington, who by now was rolling on the floor trying to get the ghost/hen off his back, yet Betsy still clung tightly to her host. At the news from his brother, Wellington finally calmed down and got back to his feet.

“Oh. Sorry about that, hen who is not a ghost hen.” Wellington apologised meekly, feeling more than a little silly.

“That’s okay,” Betsy smiled, “BECAUSE I AM A GHOST HEN!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” She cackled as she lifted him into the sky, much to the astonishment of George, who then watched his brother being airlifted off into the distance by the maniacle hen.

“Bugger me.” George grumbled as he headed over to the shed. It was time to bring his alter-ego ‘Super Sheep’ out of retirement again…

Thanks to Kieren for the image, taken from real life.

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It Started with Rollerskates.

October 12, 2011

The day started mundanely for Jessop the dog. Lazily shaking off his dream filled sleep, he wandered around the house checking everything was in the right place. The hoover was in the cupboard. Good. The fish were dancing around in their tank. Check. The rug was aligned perfectly to the wall. Nicely.

Jessop did his checks every morning, it helped him stay calm and ease into the day. It reassured him that nothing astonishing and scary would occur.

But then he saw the rollerskates on the bottom of the stairs.

“Bollocks.” Jessop grumbled, ambling cautiously closer to the offending article.

The rollerskates should have been in the wardrobe where they always were. Something was not right. Nobody had used the rollerskates since “The Accident” the day they were bought. The old dog continued to edge closer, sniffing the air, until he was stood next to the skates. He would have to return them to their rightful place, this was a big deal.

Except it wasn’t a big deal. It was A TRAP!

In an instant the imaginatively named KitKat the cat was upon Jessop, screaming incomprehensible nonsense such as “Habbubalubballur!” at the top of her tiny lungs.

Jessop flew into a panic. He couldn’t see because his very vision was clouded with the terrible blackness of fear. His heart thundered as though it were a thousand frightened wilder beast stampeding down a gorge after a tiny lion cub.

He ran.

Narrowly avoiding the fish tank, he crashed into the hoover and upset the perfectly aligned rug. As he would later recall in his memoirs, it was “unbridled anarchy”. Reeling from the hoover impact, Jessop ground to a halt in the middle of the floor.

A quiet moment passed as his senses flooded back.

“It’s just me.” KitKat said, as she clung to Jessop’s ears.

“You dickhead.” Jessop said.

Thanks to Amy for the image!