Archive for January, 2011

h1

Zorro vs. The Nuclear Submarine of the Sky.

January 28, 2011

They called him The Nuclear Submarine of the Sky, because he kept isotopes in his underpants and could fly (nobody was quite sure where the “submarine” bit came from, in all fairness, but it had stuck).

He was a highwayman that terrorised the whole town, and everyone had gotten sick of him swooping down and robbing their shopping. He was a massive bugger as well, so nobody dared to punch him. The townsfolk were at their wits end, so they called for the greatest policeman of the time, Keith “Zorro” Panasonic. Zorro was a little fellow, but he had cunning like you would not believe, and some knuckle dusters that would mess you right up.

One afternoon, Zorro hid in someone’s shopping bag, waiting to be stolen. Sure enough the gigantic Nuclear Submarine of the Sky (his real name was Dwayne but that’s less intimidating) swooped down and robbed the shopping, but to his surprise out leaped Zorro! He leapt onto the thief’s back and started punching him in the back of the head with his knuckle dusters.

It was flipping ace.

After some severe head punching action, the villian was brought to justice and sentenced to go to hospital because he was bleeding far too much for it to be healthy. Eventually he probably went to prison, because it’s only fair, really.

Zorro was awared a gold star and given a lollipop, and the town was saved.

Thanks to Craig for the picture, not sure where it came from.

Advertisements
h1

The Disgraced Ski Instructor.

January 19, 2011

Sorry for the delay in getting back into this, I should imagine you have been baying wildly into the night sky waiting for the next fantastic Animal on Animal post. Well, bay no more, you strange person, here is a post for you.

Professor McJonasbrothers was an accomplished ski instructor, respected in his field (which you couldn’t see because it was covered with snow*), and loved by his students. The latter was what got him arrested.

*a hilarious joke

Disgraced by his exploits, the Official Council To Outright Properly Unify Stuff Encompassing Skiing (or OCTOPUSES) banished him from places with snow for the foreseeable future.

Devastated, Professor McJonasbrothers exiled himself to Africa to help him forget about his past. He was truly sorry for what he’d done. Deep down he was a good tortoise, but he had been watching far too many soaps which had warped his view of the world to the point where he thought it was perfectly acceptable to behave like a right bastard.

Now he saw the error of his ways.

One day, in Africa, he was sat on a log contemplating his stupidity and all that he had lost, when suddenly three butterflies appeared. They all introduced themselves, and Professor McJonasbrothers was very happy to meet them. He told them of his story and how he came to be there.

The butterflies didn’t care much for his story, they were adventurers, and they wanted to sail the seas and get drunk and dig for stuff on islands. The three of them were very persuasive and managed to convince the Professor to be their boat.

And so the troupe of new companions set out to sea. It is said that they discovered the Ilse of Wight.

Please be aware this image is copyright of Byron Yu. (Byron, if you want this image off the site please let me know, I can’t afford to pay you any money). It is from National Geographic, and was discovered by Tom. Thanks Tom.

h1

2010 in Review.

January 3, 2011

Firstly, Happy New Year. Secondly, read on.

I got an email about how the blog is doing from the “WordPress Gods”. The email seems to be being quite kind and encouraging, which is nice of it. Apparently seven full 747s looked at the blog. I find that unsettling, because aeroplanes should be concentrating on flying, or taking off, or landing, or sitting and waiting to do one of the previously mentioned activities, they should not be wasting time reading this blog and endangering lives.

Here is what was emailed to me anyway, there’ll be a new post to kick off 2011 properly as soon as I get enough coffee in me to start hallucinating again.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,800 times in 2010. That’s about 7 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 47 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 52 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 7mb. That’s about 4 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was July 21st with 82 views. The most popular post that day was Current events!.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, endoflevelboss.com, ishisoft.com, obama-scandal-exposed.co.cc, and mystufie.co.cc.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for terrapins, terrapin, randy savage, macho man, and pig.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Current events!July 2010
2 comments

2

A terrapin, on a terrapin, on a hand.January 2010
2 comments

3

The dogs that loved Macho Man Randy Savage.May 2010

4

A momentous occasion.May 2010
3 comments

5

A sad story.February 2010

 

 

Why people are being referred here by “obama-scandal-exposed” is beyond me.

In summary, the blog is doing quite poorly, but WordPress wants to encourage me because it benefits them if I use the service.

It’s more than I could ever have wished for.

Let’s hope 2011 continues the strong tradition of quality established in 2010, thank you for your continued tolerance.