Posts Tagged ‘weasel’

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Bert finds a Cure.

March 3, 2015

Bert was a normal enough weasel. He was a mammal (source: Wikipedia), and he looked like that weasel from Animals of Farthing Wood. So, pretty standard. He was a nice weasel, he sent everyone at work Christmas cards, he wrote to his mum, and he didn’t skulk away when it was his round at the bar. But Bert had one major flaw: he could not hug.

It was a problem that bothered him deeply, a dark secret constantly poking away at his sanity.

It was not a physical problem, but a mental one. As a child, Bert had attempted to hug a moving car. The car of course bit him, and Bert’s poor psyche was damaged forever. Ever since, a hug had been impossible for him.

One day in Spring, Bert was feeling particularly gloomy. Sat in a tree, he looked out into a field and thought dark thoughts. If he couldn’t hug, what was the point? The whole world was out there, but at arm’s length. The best he could do was shake its hand, and it wasn’t enough. Not any more.

And so he jumped. Bert leapt from the branch that was previously his seat. Eyes closed, the wind rushed through the fur on his cheeks as the ground rushed up to meet him. And then, suddenly, he felt a soft thump beneath him.

“HOLY BUTTOCKING JESUS!” came a shrill cry, just below his head.

Bert opened his eyes, and there was a woodpecker, and he was holding onto its back. Wait… he was HUGGING its back!

“YES! Oh my goodness! I’m hugging! I’m hugging!” Bert whooped and screamed with joy as the pair flew through the air.

He was free at last.

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Image from here, by a person called Martin Le-May. Sent to me by Nick, Tristan, and Mike, in that order. Thank you to everyone involved!

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