Posts Tagged ‘tv’

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The Legendary Strawberry.

December 2, 2011

There was once a Legendary Strawberry. It was said that it had the power to grant whoever kissed it with immortality, for the rest of their lives.

Steven and Barry were two young good for nothings. They hung about the streets of Tortoise Town, drinking cider, playing dice, and getting into trouble with the law.

One day, in a game of cards, they won a mysterious, tea-stained map. Scrawled in archaic lettering at the top were the words “Legendary Strawberry – Aww Yeah”, and below was an erratic line leading to a promising looking cross.

Realising that they had found the route to immortality (for the rest of their lives), excitement gripped the pair in a crunchy vice of excitedness. They set off immediately on the trail, hoping to get back in time for Bullseye on Challenge TV that night.

After about half an hour, Steve was so tired that he asked Barry to carry him. Barry was not hugely pleased by this, but since they were buddies he thought it would be the right thing to do. Besides, he would be owed a piggy-back, which was always a good thing to have in the bank.

By around 7pm they found themselves atop a mighty hill, staring at the Legendary Strawberry, exactly where the map had it marked. The thrill of standing before such a luscious fruity legend made Barry drop the map, it floated away on the wind, like a feather, except it was a map.

‘Kiss it!’ Barry yelled up to Steve (not noticing the map had flown away).

Steve did as he was bid, and a fruity pink haze descended over him.

‘My turn!’ Barry shouted, despite Steve clearly being within normal talking to people range.

He leapt up and gave the strawberry an excellent smooch, knocking Steve off his back in the process. The same fruity haze enveloped him.

Everything was good for about five minutes. They celebrated their strawberry-based gift by dancing about and high-fiving and all sorts of other cool stuff, but when they turned to go home and catch Bullseye they realised the map had gone.

‘Bollocks.’ Barry said.

With no way of finding a way home without the map, they elected to live within the strawberry for eternity. They had long and happy lives, dying at the ripe old age of 82 (Steve) and 82 and one day (Barry).

Many thanks to the lovely Kieren for this, who got it from here.

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The Great Wind.

April 26, 2011

Nobody saw it coming. The Great Wind. They were too busy watching the Master Chef finals.

Before anyone knew it, their TV was in the sky and they were hurtling upward, wind roaring around them like an invisible shouty dragon that didn’t say anything except “WHOOSH”.

Jason the monkey must have fainted. He woke up to silence, aside from a soft rustle coming from nearby. As his senses returned he discovered he was lying on a furry thing, and the rustling noise was coming from the furry thing eating grass. He was pretty comfortable.

Jason explained to the creature that he was comfortable, and the creature introduced himself as The Argonauts, the capybara. Jason thought that Jason and The Argonauts went well together, and this, combined with the comfortable nature of his new friend’s back, made him decide to stay there. The Argonauts was happy to have a friend, so an agreement was made that Jason could live on his back.

They went everywhere together.

It was ace.

Thanks to Lindsay for the images.

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Beverly and the goat.

June 1, 2010

Beverly was a small dog, she couldn’t run very fast because of a go-karting injury several years ago, and she was getting on a bit. She longed to go into town and see what exciting electronic devices Dixons were selling these days, but because of her ailments she had to sit inside and watch the shopping channels on the television instead.

The trouble with the shopping channels were that they were so effective! She had already bought a vacuum cleaner with a smiley face on it, hair straighteners that she didn’t need, and a knitting kit with an instructional DVD that she’d never use. She daren’t watch the television any more just in case she bought anything more elaborate.

Life was becoming empty. She reminisced about her wild younger days, when she went to Dixons several times a week. Oh, how she longed for the excitement of the past.

One day, her owners brought home a gigantic stuffed creature that might have been a goat at one time. Beverly studied it for a while before getting an idea. She would ride it to Dixons!

So she attached wheels to it using her excellent DIY skills and rode it to Dixons. When she got there she stole 3 laptops, and a 50” HD TV.

She was arrested and sent down for 2 years.

But she bloody loved every second of it.

Cheers for the pic, Karl.