Posts Tagged ‘rabbit’

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The Secret Love.

April 21, 2013

Bob was king of the rabbits, that was just the way it was. It had been that way since he could remember, and he could remember pretty far back. At least as far back as when Gary Barlow had blonde hair and Take That weren’t every mum’s favourite.

Consequently it came as a shock the day his throne was taken from him by his best friend, Cher the capybara. Cher had been his best friend and advisor since the days of Boyzone (King Bob tended to use boybands as a kind of chronological landmark). Cher had grown tired of Bob’s excessive foot tapping, digging and breeding, she felt it was destroying the kingdom and that she could do a better job.

There was only one thing to do. Cher wrote to Cilla Black and the next thing King Bob knew he was being dethroned via the medium of Surprise Surprise. Cilla raised an army and embarked on a lengthy campaign of war against King Bob, it lasted 2 whole series and gained the highest ratings ever for the show. It was not a very nice surprise at all for the king.

After his defeat the king leapt on his old friend’s nose and begged to know what all this was about.

Incredible emotion.

“What have I done wrong?!” he sobbed.
“You’ve been a right crap king, Bob,” Cher explained.
“I apologise, I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me before? I would have changed it all for you…” Bob hesitated then, and took a breath.
“But why?” Cher whispered.
“Because I love you, you silly goose! I always have!”

This was pretty convenient, as Cher secretly loved him too, so they got married and ruled the kingdom fairly together for a thousand years.

Cilla doesn’t enter into wars lightly, and was well cheesed off about the whole affair.

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Thanks to Amy for this one, not sure where you got it.

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The One Weakness of a Rabbit.

September 3, 2012

“You can say what you like,” Barry the dog said as he chased his friend through the woods, “You’re a massive rabbit, and this is an unfair game of tig.”

The “massive rabbit” in question was Degas, and he was massive, and he was a rabbit.

“Stop moaning, Barry, and catch me!” In truth, Degas knew that the game was unfair, but he was pretty sick of everyone thinking dogs were ace and not thinking rabbits were quite as ace, so didn’t care.

The pair dashed through the thick woods of the English countryside, avoiding hobbits and dragons and badgers. Once or twice they took a break to eat blackberries. Neither of them particularly liked blackberries, but they were free, and times were economically tough. Blackberries were like two pounds or something at Tesco!

They ran again. Barry was doing a pretty good job at keeping up, he leapt gracefully through the bushes in pursuit of the white cotton tail bobbing up and down a few metres in front, but he was never going to catch his friend at this rate. He looked down at his tiny legs and sighed.

“If only I was a doberman,” Barry huffed to himself.

Degas was thinking about carrots and little blue jackets, and tiny shoes, like all rabbits do when they’re in the zone. He was speeding away.

A cunning thought came to Barry.

“Degas!” he shouted. “Oi!”

“Don’t distract me Barry! I know your game!” Degas smiled, but slowed his pace slightly to listen.

Barry had him where he wanted him… “What are you going to watch now that Desperate Housewives has finished?”

It struck Degas like a thunderbolt from a pikachu. What was he going to watch now that Desperate Housewives had finished?! He stopped dead, caught in the headlights of a world without Desperate Housewives, and Barry saw his chance. He dived through the air and landed square on Degas’ back.

“Tig!” he yelled, “I got you, silly rabbit!”

“How did you know my weakness?” Degas panted, still a bit panicked.

But Barry just winked at the camera, and the credits rolled.

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Thanks to Amy for the image (not sure where it’s from, if you know let me know).