Posts Tagged ‘king’


The Secret Love.

April 21, 2013

Bob was king of the rabbits, that was just the way it was. It had been that way since he could remember, and he could remember pretty far back. At least as far back as when Gary Barlow had blonde hair and Take That weren’t every mum’s favourite.

Consequently it came as a shock the day his throne was taken from him by his best friend, Cher the capybara. Cher had been his best friend and advisor since the days of Boyzone (King Bob tended to use boybands as a kind of chronological landmark). Cher had grown tired of Bob’s excessive foot tapping, digging and breeding, she felt it was destroying the kingdom and that she could do a better job.

There was only one thing to do. Cher wrote to Cilla Black and the next thing King Bob knew he was being dethroned via the medium of Surprise Surprise. Cilla raised an army and embarked on a lengthy campaign of war against King Bob, it lasted 2 whole series and gained the highest ratings ever for the show. It was not a very nice surprise at all for the king.

After his defeat the king leapt on his old friend’s nose and begged to know what all this was about.

Incredible emotion.

“What have I done wrong?!” he sobbed.
“You’ve been a right crap king, Bob,” Cher explained.
“I apologise, I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me before? I would have changed it all for you…” Bob hesitated then, and took a breath.
“But why?” Cher whispered.
“Because I love you, you silly goose! I always have!”

This was pretty convenient, as Cher secretly loved him too, so they got married and ruled the kingdom fairly together for a thousand years.

Cilla doesn’t enter into wars lightly, and was well cheesed off about the whole affair.

Thanks to Amy for this one, not sure where you got it.


The Climbing King of Hamstoria.

January 12, 2012

That good old Review of the Year easy update I was planning isn’t working. So I’m going to have to bloody write something new by the looks of things… Are you ready? The first excellent post of 2012 is below. Let’s do this.

The King of Hamstonia was an adventurous sort of monarch. His favourite adventurous thing to do was to climb things. He climbed up mountains, onto pterodactyls, and once, into space (it was a long climb, that one, he had to stop for jam sandwiches half way).

The hamsters of Hamstoria didn’t really mind their king sneaking off to climb things, because when he was away they all had secret karaoke parties in the castle, which was always nice.

One day, the King was out and about doing his adventuring, when he saw a cat. He had never climbed a cat before, and he felt an overpowering need to clamber up its wiry fur. Not being much for self restraint, he rushed over and began leaping up the creature’s back without a second thought, eventually finding his monarchy self atop the feline’s head.

This angered the cat, as it distracted him from looking at a nearby red shoe.

‘Get off me, or I shall punch you,’ the cat whispered, still trying to focus on the red shoe.

‘No! I am the King of Hamstoria!’ The King of Hamstoria correctly asserted.

At this, the cat flew into a rage and punched the King right in the nose, sending him flying into space (where he stopped for a jam sandwich), and then back down to his castle. It was a very well aimed punch.

The King shook off the dizziness that now assailed him as he pulled himself to his feet. His blurred vision suddenly became clear, and he realised he was in his throne room, and all his subjects were there, and there was a microphone in his paw. He had landed in the middle of a karaoke party in his castle. His subjects stared at him, slack-jawed. The King stared back. Nobody knew what to do. It was a difficult situation.

A spokesperson stepped out from the crowd of subjects to break the awkward silence. He looked into his kings vacant eyes.

‘Um… Happy birthday?’

‘… how did you know?’ A smile spread across the King’s face.

And so everyone karaoked their tits off all night long.

Thanks to Miriam for the picture, who got it from here.


The little prince and his moustache.

October 28, 2010

I appear to be two weeks behind, or one week, I can’t quite be bothered to work it out. Regardless, apologies, fans of Animal on Animal. Let us see what today’s image brings…


Bertram was a noble King who enjoyed sitting on rocks and thinking about Ancient Rome, and how ace it would have been to be called “Caesar” instead of “King”. He was a good man, and often would get pizza from Dominoes for the whole kingdom on a Saturday night just in time for the X-Factor.

His son, Prince Jarofpeanutbutter, was generally quite a pleasant person as well, but yesterday evening he had gone out to play hide and seek with the other princes. Playing hide and seek with them was not unusual for the Prince, but that night he had just had a glass of milk before going out which left a white moustache on his top lip, all the other princes laughed at him for having a moustache and he came home in a sulk.

He spent the next day sitting on his dad’s back and thinking nasty things about them.

Little did he know that one day his real moustache would be magnificent, and his subjects would admire his mighty moustache and call him “The Excellent Moustach King”, and he would buy pizza for them all.

Thanks be to the astonishing Fran for this image, taken from here.