Posts Tagged ‘dragon’

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The Christmas Dragon Fox Mix-up.

December 11, 2013

It was Christmas. Well not bang on Christmas, it was December and it was snowing, so it was pretty much Christmas. It looked like one of those Christmas cards you get where some kids have made a snowman and there are robins and stuff like that.

It was “Christmas time”. There we go.

Barnabus was a fox, and a bloody good one at that. He did all sorts of regular fox-based things such as knitting and dropkicks to the face, and he was ranked World #2 Maypole Dancer for three years in a row during the late 90s.

On this particular morning Barnabus was watching the news, which went along the lines of “Oh my God you guys, it is December and it is really cold and snowing, let’s all mass-panic as though this is a unique occurrence. All of the trains are crying and don’t work, look at this traffic jam, here is a man with a spade, here is some ice on a car in a person’s driveway, children are wearing gloves, we’re all going to die.” After having his fill of hysteria, Barnabus decided to go for a morning walk in the country.

The air was crisp and cold, and his breath plumed out from his mouth in little clouds like he was a dragon, he smiled at this and gave a little “roar”.

“Holy crap!” A frightened yelp came from a nearby bush, “Are you a dragon?! You sound like a dragon.”

Barnabus raised an eyebrow at the bush, puzzled, and took a step forward in efforts to investigate.

“Don’t you come any closer!” Said the bush. “I know your game, you’re going to toast me up good and eat me! You flipping dragon!”

“I’m not a dragon. Honest. I’m a fox. Check out my excellent knitting.” Barnabus took a scarf he was working on out of his standard issue fox rucksack and held it up to the bush. “You don’t see excellent knitting like this from dragons, do you?”

There was no response from the bush.

Cautiously, Barnabus slid a little closer. A silent moment passed, as though the bush was thinking, and then suddenly the bush blurred into the form of a leaping dog that filled Barnabus’ vision. Before he knew it he was slammed to the ground, his quality knitting strewn about in the snow.

The dog stared down at him, sniffing and gulping for air after its exertion.

“Are you a bush or a dog?” A slightly startled Barnabus asked.

“I’m a dog,” said the dog. “The bush was just my Halloween costume. Are you really a fox? I thought you might be a dragon dressed as a fox.”

“I’m a fox. I promise. I didn’t even do Halloween this year, it’s getting too commercial.”

The dog took his paws off Barnabus and looked around sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for pinning you down. I always get paranoid around Christmas what with all the scary dragons about. One of them bit my tail last year, it was awful.”

“That’s okay, they freak me out as well, my name’s Barnabus by the way, Barnabus the Fox.” Barnabus gave a little smile as he picked himself up.

The dog smiled back, “I’m Joseph. Nice to meet you. Listen, I’m really sorry about all that back there. Since I pinned you, it would make me feel much better if you pinned me back, would you do that for me? Call it a Christmas gift if you like.”

And so, Barnabus pinned Joseph, and the traditional family pastime of having a brutal wrestling match each year at Christmas was born.

foxDog

Animal on Animal wishes you a reasonably good Christmas.

Many thanks to Brett for sending this over, who got it from here.

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The One Weakness of a Rabbit.

September 3, 2012

“You can say what you like,” Barry the dog said as he chased his friend through the woods, “You’re a massive rabbit, and this is an unfair game of tig.”

The “massive rabbit” in question was Degas, and he was massive, and he was a rabbit.

“Stop moaning, Barry, and catch me!” In truth, Degas knew that the game was unfair, but he was pretty sick of everyone thinking dogs were ace and not thinking rabbits were quite as ace, so didn’t care.

The pair dashed through the thick woods of the English countryside, avoiding hobbits and dragons and badgers. Once or twice they took a break to eat blackberries. Neither of them particularly liked blackberries, but they were free, and times were economically tough. Blackberries were like two pounds or something at Tesco!

They ran again. Barry was doing a pretty good job at keeping up, he leapt gracefully through the bushes in pursuit of the white cotton tail bobbing up and down a few metres in front, but he was never going to catch his friend at this rate. He looked down at his tiny legs and sighed.

“If only I was a doberman,” Barry huffed to himself.

Degas was thinking about carrots and little blue jackets, and tiny shoes, like all rabbits do when they’re in the zone. He was speeding away.

A cunning thought came to Barry.

“Degas!” he shouted. “Oi!”

“Don’t distract me Barry! I know your game!” Degas smiled, but slowed his pace slightly to listen.

Barry had him where he wanted him… “What are you going to watch now that Desperate Housewives has finished?”

It struck Degas like a thunderbolt from a pikachu. What was he going to watch now that Desperate Housewives had finished?! He stopped dead, caught in the headlights of a world without Desperate Housewives, and Barry saw his chance. He dived through the air and landed square on Degas’ back.

“Tig!” he yelled, “I got you, silly rabbit!”

“How did you know my weakness?” Degas panted, still a bit panicked.

But Barry just winked at the camera, and the credits rolled.

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Thanks to Amy for the image (not sure where it’s from, if you know let me know).

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The Great Wind.

April 26, 2011

Nobody saw it coming. The Great Wind. They were too busy watching the Master Chef finals.

Before anyone knew it, their TV was in the sky and they were hurtling upward, wind roaring around them like an invisible shouty dragon that didn’t say anything except “WHOOSH”.

Jason the monkey must have fainted. He woke up to silence, aside from a soft rustle coming from nearby. As his senses returned he discovered he was lying on a furry thing, and the rustling noise was coming from the furry thing eating grass. He was pretty comfortable.

Jason explained to the creature that he was comfortable, and the creature introduced himself as The Argonauts, the capybara. Jason thought that Jason and The Argonauts went well together, and this, combined with the comfortable nature of his new friend’s back, made him decide to stay there. The Argonauts was happy to have a friend, so an agreement was made that Jason could live on his back.

They went everywhere together.

It was ace.

Thanks to Lindsay for the images.