Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

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The Christmas Dragon Fox Mix-up.

December 11, 2013

It was Christmas. Well not bang on Christmas, it was December and it was snowing, so it was pretty much Christmas. It looked like one of those Christmas cards you get where some kids have made a snowman and there are robins and stuff like that.

It was “Christmas time”. There we go.

Barnabus was a fox, and a bloody good one at that. He did all sorts of regular fox-based things such as knitting and dropkicks to the face, and he was ranked World #2 Maypole Dancer for three years in a row during the late 90s.

On this particular morning Barnabus was watching the news, which went along the lines of “Oh my God you guys, it is December and it is really cold and snowing, let’s all mass-panic as though this is a unique occurrence. All of the trains are crying and don’t work, look at this traffic jam, here is a man with a spade, here is some ice on a car in a person’s driveway, children are wearing gloves, we’re all going to die.” After having his fill of hysteria, Barnabus decided to go for a morning walk in the country.

The air was crisp and cold, and his breath plumed out from his mouth in little clouds like he was a dragon, he smiled at this and gave a little “roar”.

“Holy crap!” A frightened yelp came from a nearby bush, “Are you a dragon?! You sound like a dragon.”

Barnabus raised an eyebrow at the bush, puzzled, and took a step forward in efforts to investigate.

“Don’t you come any closer!” Said the bush. “I know your game, you’re going to toast me up good and eat me! You flipping dragon!”

“I’m not a dragon. Honest. I’m a fox. Check out my excellent knitting.” Barnabus took a scarf he was working on out of his standard issue fox rucksack and held it up to the bush. “You don’t see excellent knitting like this from dragons, do you?”

There was no response from the bush.

Cautiously, Barnabus slid a little closer. A silent moment passed, as though the bush was thinking, and then suddenly the bush blurred into the form of a leaping dog that filled Barnabus’ vision. Before he knew it he was slammed to the ground, his quality knitting strewn about in the snow.

The dog stared down at him, sniffing and gulping for air after its exertion.

“Are you a bush or a dog?” A slightly startled Barnabus asked.

“I’m a dog,” said the dog. “The bush was just my Halloween costume. Are you really a fox? I thought you might be a dragon dressed as a fox.”

“I’m a fox. I promise. I didn’t even do Halloween this year, it’s getting too commercial.”

The dog took his paws off Barnabus and looked around sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for pinning you down. I always get paranoid around Christmas what with all the scary dragons about. One of them bit my tail last year, it was awful.”

“That’s okay, they freak me out as well, my name’s Barnabus by the way, Barnabus the Fox.” Barnabus gave a little smile as he picked himself up.

The dog smiled back, “I’m Joseph. Nice to meet you. Listen, I’m really sorry about all that back there. Since I pinned you, it would make me feel much better if you pinned me back, would you do that for me? Call it a Christmas gift if you like.”

And so, Barnabus pinned Joseph, and the traditional family pastime of having a brutal wrestling match each year at Christmas was born.

foxDog

Animal on Animal wishes you a reasonably good Christmas.

Many thanks to Brett for sending this over, who got it from here.

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Animal on Animal Christmas Spectacular – Looking for Santa.

December 22, 2011

Larry was a fearsome polar bear. Once, he had eaten a whole footlong Subway sandwich. A whole one. No messing about with that six inch shit.

He enjoyed stalking about in the snow and high fiving the neighbourhood snowmen (he often referred to them as his “snowmies”, which they weren’t hugely fond of, but given his fearsome polar bearness, they didn’t say anything to him). Other things he enjoyed included:

  • Driving sports cars.
  • Watching ice hockey.
  • Drinking scotch.
  • Playing the harp.
  • Fluffy¬†pyjamas.

It was a cold evening in December, when Larry was out looking for a good place to wear his new pyjamas, that he came upon a pretty cool looking husky attached to a chain (the chain made him look extra cool). Intrigued, Larry approached the creature.

After being asked his name, and how he had come to be attached to the ground via the medium of a chain, the husky explained that he was called Delilah, and that he had been sent out to look for Santa in the wilderness. Sadly he had come upon an a disgruntled elf who had told him to bugger off and had then chained him to the ground.

‘That’s not on,’ Larry decided. ‘Would you like me to go give that disgruntled elf a good kicking?’

‘Yes please,’ Delilah replied.

‘You can come with me. We will kick him good, together.’

At this Delilah leapt for joy and gave Larry a hug (and a cheeky kiss on the cheek, even though they had only just met and it was a bit inappropriate at that stage).

Larry was as good as his word, and freed his new friend. Together, they found that disgruntled elf and gave him the Christmas gift of an arse kicking. And then they went off into the wilderness, to find Santa. It was the best Christmas ever.

Thanks to myself for finding this image, I got it from here.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all the lovely Animal on Animal readers out there, thank you for your contributions throughout the year and possibly damaging your eyesight by reading the stories. You are real troopers. See you soon for the New Year round up!

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The Pups with the Christmas Vendetta.

December 22, 2010

Christmas can be a time for generosity, family, and general all round joy. For the pups it was a time for attempting to kidnap the President of Atlantis (the owner of their local watersports centre). The President of Atlantis was called Napoleon, and he had refused them entry to his establishment on the grounds that they were dogs, and not people. This was hugely hurtful to the pups, because they used to be people until they were transformed into dogs by gamma rays at a nuclear research facility. They attempted to explain this to Napoleon, but he was having none of it and sent them out into the cold.

Since then, each year since to mark the anniversary of this insult, they attempted to kidnap Napoleon and have a nice swim. This year they had stolen a truck and driven it through the office wall of their target, interrupting his New York Deli sandwich. Dressed as Santas, they began backflipping around and kicking Napoleon in the shins really hard, until eventually security arrived and things “got too heavy”, so they ran off home and fell asleep on the sofa, exhausted.

They had been defeated, THIS TIME.

Thanks to Dannie for the image, who got it from here.

Merry Christmas all, from everyone here at Animal on Animal (me).