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The Opera Singers’ folly.

March 8, 2012

“OH MY GOD THERE IS A SPIDER THE SIZE OF MY FACE, ON MY FACE!” Screamed Phil the frog.

“Phil! It’s just Barry. Stop being so dramatic. You’ll make us all deaf!” Arnold the tortoise was in a bad mood. Their operatic performance from the previous night had been reviewed poorly, and now Barry and Phil were arsing about during rehearsal.

“Sorry, everyone. But Barry! You really must stop jumping onto my head, you are quite scary looking!” Phil glanced up at his spider friend.

Secretly, Barry was quite hurt at this remark, because he couldn’t help being a scary spider, but he kept it to himself.

The trio had met during an Official Opera Singer’s House Party the previous year, (which is a lot like a normal house party, except everyone has beautiful, melodic voices). By the end of the night they found themselves in a corner drunkenly discussing the pros and cons of forming an operatic trio. The “cons” column consisted solely of a hauntingly realistic rendering of a prison convict, which suggested that they didn’t fully understand what they were doing. The doodle of a baseball player in the “pros” column confirmed the theory.

Still, somehow, they had managed to become classical music stars. Touring the world and appearing on Classic FM repeatedly. They had made it.

But cracks had begun to show.

Barry had taken to eating spaghetti hoops before going on stage, he wouldn’t go on without them. Phil never took anything seriously any more, he kept writing rude jokes on the toilet walls. Arnold was getting exasperated with the whole thing.

“Listen! I’m getting sick of both you! We nee-” Arnold did not have time to finish his sentence.

Suddenly, a Man’s Hand picked them up! It was the biggest Man’s Hand they had ever seen.

Frozen with fear, the three were carried towards a burning barbecue.

This was it. It was over, they were going to be barbecued alive. Oh buggering hell.

But then, the Man’s Hand put them down on the grass, and said:

“Opera Singers! Can you sing for me? We are having a barbecue and it would be lovely to have some music.”

After a short moment spent trying to work out how a Man’s Hand could talk, the trio burst into song. They gave the performance of their lives and received a standing ovation.

It was their last performance together. Barry went to rehab for his spaghetti hoops problem, Phil was arrested for writing profanities on toilet walls, and Arnold wrote a book called “Don’t be an opera singer based on a drunken conversation at party.”

Thanks to the excellent Mike and Steve for both sending me this image! They found it here.

Don’t forget to send your entries in for the Title Competition, everyone!

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