The Shelf Collector.

February 9, 2012


To begin I’d like to apologise for the last post, which was, put mildly, almost as good as the usual standard of posts here, but not quite there. Not quite. Hopefully today’s will be up to scratch. Read on, internet traveller…

Shelves. Tiffany had seen them all. Sometimes they were made of wood, painted in exciting patterns. Sometimes the wood was mahogany. Sometimes, it wasn’t wood at all, it was they weird stuff made of loads of tiny bits of wood and then pressed into a board. Once, Tiffany had seen a metal shelf, but she didn’t like to talk about that.

It was no coincidence that Tiffany had seen so many shelves. She was, in fact, a great lover and appreciator of the vertical standing, stuff holding furniture.

As her biographer, I should say that Tiffany was a cat. This information is important.

As a young cat she had travelled the world, searching for fine examples of shelving for her newly opened Pretty Excellent Shelving Museum based in Shoreditch.

Her life had been long and exciting. A bit like Indiana Jones’ life. Once she had opened a big box and loads of ghosts came out and killed some Nazis, it was quite horrific.

Anyway. One day, in her later years, Tiffany was walking through the streets near her museum, when she came across an alleyway she had never seen before. Meek ‘meow’ sounds were coming from within. As it was her native language, and not many people in Shoreditch tended to speak it, she investigated.

Peering in, she saw something that shocked her whiskers off. It was a shelf of living cats.

“Hello,” said the cat on the top shelf. “We are the Shelf of Living Cats. We come from the future, when it is massively fashionable to make yourself into a living shelf.”

Tiffany stared at them, trying to comprehend.

The Shelf of Living Cats continued. “We have come to meet you, as we know you have a museum of shelves and such. We wish to become part of your collection, and thus, the envy of our shelf friends in the future.”

After some baffling negotiation, an agreement was made, and Tiffany bought the Shelf of Living Cats at a reasonable price, keeping them fed and watered for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of Tiffany, but she was a cat, so you can just imagine.

Thank you to Amy for this picture, which is from here.

Many thanks as well to all the Animal on Animal fans for the recent influx of entries, I will get around to them all eventually, they are much appreciated.


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