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Those Darn Vuvuzelas.

December 4, 2010

Once, there was a big-horned ox beast named The President, and he and his cat friend Jim Davidson liked to do the kinds of things that men do, such as play darts and gradually become fatter as they age. It was quiet and they liked it like that. But one day their next door neighbour got one of those awful vuvuzela things and started to play it all day long.

This would have been annoying at the best of times, simply because it’s a very annoying sound, but what made it even worse was that it provoked Jim Davidson to involuntarily leap into the air and clasp onto The President’s lower back, digging his claws in.

Sometimes he would find himself stuck there, petrified, for the best part of two hours. It was uncomfortable for them both, not only due to the pain and embarrassment all round, but because The President had personal space issues and really didn’t like people touching his back. Still, they got on with it as best they could and hoped the problem would go away, or they would get used to it, or a meteor would fall on next door’s house.

After some weeks, the pair decided something had to be done. So they went round to next door’s house and explained their situation, but the neighbours were not bothered and just laughed. This was not a clever thing to do, as Jim Davidson had had several years of martial arts training in his youth, and his rage burnt white hot at the thought of these discourteous neighbours laughing at his misfortune, so he leapt at them and ninja kicked the living crap out of them so hard that they apologised and threw their vuvuzela away that very minute.

From that day on life returned to normal, and next door became model neighbours, and The President and Jim Davidson lived out their lives in peace.

Thanks to Will for the image.

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